Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
