can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
