Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
