Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
he quoted the bible to break up with me
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
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