Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
