South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
