So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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