One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
