Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
