Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
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