Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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