I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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