Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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