I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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