I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
