those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
