Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
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