It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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