Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
