The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
