i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
