I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
