I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
