Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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