I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
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