that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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