she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
