like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
