Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
