John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
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