i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
