so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
We left an ass print on the piano.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
