I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
