I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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