U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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