Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
