My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Randomize
