Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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