I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
