the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I think people are normalizing furries
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
