Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
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