Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
