Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
My ass is underappreciated
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
