We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
