ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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