i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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