Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
