My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
