Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
