absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
