i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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